I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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