the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
