you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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