the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize