I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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