So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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