What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
