The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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