A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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