My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
