Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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