I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
