I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
