based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
