need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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