He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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