hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize