my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
