i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
