Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
