at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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