she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
