I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
