I wanna passion pit in your ass
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
