Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This girl is more easily done than said...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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