Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
