I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
