she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
