Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
