I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
