i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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