if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
