Plan B is the new Plan A
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
