when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
