I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
