I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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