is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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