Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
