what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
