I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
