Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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