if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
