Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
