you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
