Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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