Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
