I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
