you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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