I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
