you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
