Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i will never coherently bang her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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