I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
