guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
