Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize