My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
