Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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