Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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