Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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