Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
