Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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