Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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