you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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