he was CRYING into my vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
