Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
