my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
