Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
