they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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